My September Obsessions.

It gets better.

Imagine being five, and have no idea why you like staring at boys and not know why.

Imagine being in church, and the pastor telling you gays will burn in hell. You're six.

Imagine being alone in your bathroom, crying because you realized that you will burn in hell for entery, because you can't seem to change. You're seven.

Imagine being alone. You're eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen.

Imagine having a dream of you falling into the pits of hell every night. It got so bad, you wake up, in your urine, sweat, and tears.

It got so bad, you start to burn yourself with the tip of a match.

You are so alone. You have no one. Your parents would hate you if they find out, and my God, hates me already.

This was my childhood.

It built up. I pushed down. Until one day me and my best friend Chelsea Hardin went on a photo shoot, on a bridge. Once, just a split second, a brief moment in time, I looked over that bridge, and just thought, "Nope, not high enough to kill me." I felt so disappointed, for some stupid reason, I was so horrible sad. That scared me, it was probably the most scariest moment of my life.

I couldn't take it, I had to tell someone. Enter in Chelsea.

This is how it when:
Me: "I have to tell you something."
Chelsea: "You're gay aren't you?"

Just like that it felt like a giant lift off my shoulders.

But it wasn't all better, not yet. Having Chelsea was great, but she didn't fully understand, I was still really alone. That's when I found Cody. He was nice, and kind, and I skipped school to met him.

My mom found out. And confronted me. My world crumbled beneath my feet.

She wasn't happy, but she loves me. I had to answers some very awkward questions. But all in all, it wasn't bad.

Then she told my dad.

My dad said some very upsetting thing, like I will never get married. I will never have a child. I will never be love. And I will burn in hell.

I started to burn myself again.

During the summer I went to my first PRIDE, and well there was so many people. So many things, and gays. For once in my life, I wasn't completely alone. There were married men, men with children, who were healthily and happy, and there were Christians.

That night, I stopped listening to my dad. And I stopped hurting myself, and started to read my bible again.

It's been four months. My dads stops telling stuff, and started to hang out with me more, my mom has been loving, and I have been going church.

I am not dating anyone, but one day,
-I will be married.
-I will have children, hopefully two.
-I will be loved.
-I will be happy.
-I will never burn, in hell, or with matches again.

What I want y'all to know is, you are never alone. And you are loved. And I know I didn't have a horrible life, and I not going to pretend that it was terrible, but I do know.

It gets better.

Diana.

I got you my beautiful little Diana, and nicknamed you Princess.

I have read all the marial you came with, and I am writing to say I agree to all the rules.

1. Take you everywhere. Trust me baby, you're going to see the world.

2. Use you anytime, day or night.

3.You're not just going to be an interference, you're going to be a part of my life.

4. I will shoot from the hip.

5.I will Approach object as close, or far as I want.

6. Wouldn't think.

7.Be fast.

8.I will not plan.

9.I wouldn't worry.

10. I wouldn't stress about the rules.

Warnings:

Do not leave your diana home. EVER! She will miss something good.

Do not put your Diana in the oven. She will melt.

Do not bath with your Diana. She cannot swim.

Do not sell your Diana on Ebay.

Do not put your Diana on a tripod with two legs.

Do not rest your Diana on an edge of a cliff.

Do not try to put a memory card in you Diana.

Do not forget to load your film

(I don't own any of this pictures)

Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

I just finished watching Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, or Amelie for us American folk. First off, simply beautiful, every was beautiful, the photography style, the plot, the actors, ect. I really loved this film and I would recommend you watch it too. But something the film does is, explain the little tips, and the simple bliss in everyday life for each character, even the cat. So It got me thinking about my simple blisses, here they are.

I like the smell of gasoline.

I dislike when my socks get wet.

I like the popping sound of bubble wrap.

I dislike the sounds of chalkboard.

I like how I sneak in my brother's room every night when he is sleeping, hugs him, and tells him how much I love him.

I dislike how I will never tell him this.

I like saying the unusual.

I dislike how I plan out conversations.

I like how I only step on a certain color title.

I dislike looking down when I walk.

I like the feel of a fresh coat of chap-stick.

I dislike when I bit my nails.

I like making a beak out of two pringles.

I dislike when I pop my fingers.

I like the smell of new books.

I dislike the bags under my eyes.

Drive-in's and Snow.

"Sometimes instinct is stronger than the feeling of comfort."

-Brandie Reinhardt

Some day I will live in the land of drive-in movie theaters, and snow fall.

Money is a Sick Muse.

Agh so kill me? I liked what Noe did, so I am going to be a complete jerk and copy her.

So Tomorrow is my first Economic's test, and I'M FREAKING OUT.

I mean look at all this words!!!

But I have Metric, thanks Emily, and I think I can make it.

Watch it.

And color note cards. Green :)

And then I saw my "well thought out notes" from class:

I am so screwed:

What do you do?

If your best isn't good enough.
Tell me, why should I still care?

My Family Tree: Patricia Anna Herrera Reinhardt

I got this idea from Emily Bolner, to write a blog about my "crazy mexican/white trash family". So I got to thinking, how are you suppose to understand my childhood, without knowing the people who shaped the person I am today. SO let's started with most important, the chief, my hero, and my amazing...MOTHER.

Things to know about Patricia Anna Herrera Reinhardt.

-Being in the middle of a family of six kids, my mom had to stand out. Even from a young age, she was outspoken, which got her in trouble countless times.

-Growing up in a town like Robstown, is hard for anyone. You have to be strong to survive, even for my mom, who was a soft hearted person. Soon she grew tough, strong, brave, and independent. She had to be, she was forced to be.

-Things at home wasn't to well, my Grandma did the best she could, but things were bad. She eventually found escape in all types of odd jobs. By the time she was 14, she had two jobs, plus school, and helping around the house.

-People knew not to mess with my mom. She was, well, not afraid of most things. But something that always stuck to my mom, was family. You can mess with her, but you lay a finger on one of her sisters, or her brother, you were entering a world of hurt.

-Her heart is her only weakness.

The Life of Patricia Anna Herrera Reinhardt:

-She first saw the white boy, I would later call dad, sometime in September. It was not love at first sight.

-She was working at the skate rink. She was 16. He was with his white friends. He was 17. He asked her to dance. She said no. The next day, he asked again. She said no. The next day, he asked. She said no. The next day, and next day, and next day. Soon she felt very sad for the white boy and agreed to one dance. She found him charming on the rink, and agreed to one more dance tomorrow. (This is the most romantic story I have ever heard)

-My mom only dreamed of being an air flight attendant, she was going to school, and everything. But my dad got shipped over seas, and she agreed to put her dreams aside to go with him.

-My mom and dad's relationship wasn't widely appencted as a good thing. When my dad proposed to my mom, my great great grandpa wrote to my dad how marring a beaner/wet back will bring shame to our family. My mom read this letter, and called off the marriage. Then realizing that, that's what they wanted she agreed to marry him, and invite him to the marriage, he refused to go.

-My mom and dad traveled the world. Which wasn't my mom first reaction, but she did get to see the world, and she went with the man she loved. She was happy, and couldn't dream of being anymore happy than she was.

The Children of Patricia Anna Herrera Reinhardt:

-She had my sister in October 24, 1988. Her heart simply melted when she saw her. She had never loved anyone more, and to her, she will never again. She had someone to love, and will always love her. She had someone finally that was all her's.

-They moved, a lot. Brandie, her daughter, grow lonely. It was the worst feeling she ever had, her daughter was all a lone in the lonely world. She decided to have another, just for the soul popurse that Brandie will never be lonely again. But she feared she wouldn't love it, as much as Brandie.

-On August 3, 1992. I was born. Once again, the feeling of love was so great, she couldn't hold back the tears. She had a son. He shaped her world, just as Brandie did. Brandie and my mom was just obsessed. Their lives evolved around me.

-One day when my dad return from the Air Force, my mom and dad....well....

-May 19, 1995. My brother was born. Matias Reinhardt was beautiful.. All the nurses were just stunned by Matthew. He drolled. I was crazy about Matthew, and my mom knew this. She loved Matthew so much, he was her baby, to have forever. He was beautiful, and he was stinky.

To sum up Patricia Anna Reinhardt:

-Forced to be strong, my kind hearted mother, took no shit.

-Loving, caring, beautiful, she gave everything to her children. Whom she worships.

-She loves her husband, and will do anything for him.

-Not afraid.

-Not as strong as she leads on.

-Loves tv.

-Crazy and Mexican.

-Will give the shirt off her back to anyone who needs it.

-Will love me to the day she dies.

-I will do the same.

-I joke about how crazy she is, which she is, but I am so lucky to have such a amazing person in my life, let alone as my mother.

-I own everything to her.

-I love her.

I <3 you

Agh I'm crying,

Thanks for reading,

-Arron

Blast from the Past: Third Grade

To start off, this will be the last one for a while. After third grade I can write one each month till graduation. Another thing, I hated third grade, I don't know how I survived, really it was bad. Well first off, before all of this, before Grace, before Corpus. My dad was in the Air Force, and we moved, a lot. I lived in North Carolina, South Carolina, Louisiana, Georgia, Florida, California, Colorado , New York, Mississippi, and Hawaii, all before I was five. During which, I rarely saw my father, It was so bad that I didn't recognized him when he came to visit, and we were poor. Like dirt poor, we only had a house, because the military gave us one. My dad had to ride a bike 10 miles because we couldn't afford a car. Even though my dad loved being a photographer in the Air Force, between those two things, he decided it was best for everyone if he left the military. Everything was good, me and my dad were getting along great, until he lost his job during the summer before third grade.

Things got bad, again. My dad and my mom were trying to find a job, but no one was hiring. That was a very bad summer. I saw the world crumbling beneath my feet. My parents were fighting more and more every day. I remember hiding in my sister's room with her and my brother, and we will hear them yelling so hard the walls shooked. Sometime during the fights glass would break or doors would be ripped off the hinges. My sister said to ingore it, my brother would cry, I would inhale, exhale, and read. I was getting good at that. When things got bad I would just

Inhale

Exhale

Read.

When my dad said that he found a job in a different state, and he would be gone for two years, I just

Inhale

Exhale

Read.

When my dad said that I would have to be the man of the house now, I would just

Inhale

Exhale

Read.

When my mother made me sleep with her, because she missed my dad too much I would just

Inhale

Exhale

Read.

When I fought my brother about not being an ass to mom, I would just

Inhale

Exhale

Read.

When my mom would cry when she thought no one was looking, I would just

Inhale

Exhale

Read.

Then school started, another year of failing classes, and speech. Inhale. Another year at the school where people avoided me, and treated me special. Exhale. Another year where I wouldn't speak, and pray that no one notices me. Read.

Now please imagine if you could, you're tried of that. You're tried of being "the man of the house". You're tried of not having any friends, and people avioding you. No screw that! You can be crazy if you want. Who says you can't? Who says that you need to only inhale, exhale, and read? NO. You will make a new friend, and get out there!

I had Ms. Something-French, and I was sat next to some kid name Josh. He had glasses, so he was automatically cool.

Me: "HEY!"

Josh: "Umm hi?"

Me: "I'm Arron! Two "R's" not two "A's""

Josh: "I'm Josh, with one 'O'"

Instant friends.

Third grade was during 2001, and during that time my aunt, and cousin was living in New York. On September 9, 2001, we were having one of my favorite days: camp out and read! I was reading A Series of Unfortunate Events, underneath a table, and Josh was reading the encyclopedia, when I heard over the overhead. "Ms. Some-French, could you send Arron Reinhardt to the office, he is leaving for the day."

My first thought: Dammit, I'm going to miss camp out and read!

My second thought: I can always camp out at home.

The office was packed, and the phones were ringing off the hooks. The television was set on the news, and all you could see was smoke. People were yelling and crying. I was just wondering if my mom could take me to McDonald's since we hasn't had lunch yet. My mom was driving hard core though the neighborhood, crying. But me and my brother were too busy talking about the episode of Everwood tonight. It took us nearly two hours to get my sister out of school, because there were so much people there. It was there in the office of Farimont Jr High, that I saw the towards fall, on the tv. I turn to my mom, she was crying on her cellphone.

Inhale

Exhale

Read.

TV read:"The twin towards fell."

Me:"Mom?"

She hangs up, shaking her head, and redials.

Inhale

Exhale

Read.

TV read: "New York"

Me: "Mom?!"

She hangs up, shakes her head, and redial.

Inhale

Exhale

Read.

TV read: "Terrorist"

Me: "MOM!?!?"

This time I say it loud enough, people in the office jump.

Mom: "WHAT?"

Me: "What the hell is going on?!"

Mom: "The twin towards fell. Your cousin and Tia Cookie works across the street and now they aren't picking up! Now please Arron, I have to find out what the hell is going on!"

I was shocked I have never heard my mom cussed, even when she is fighting with my dad. I got really scared. There is another thing you should know about me. Friends come and go, but my family is here forever. I love them, all of them, all of the crazy Mexican mess. And the thought of losing any of them, scares me shitless.

When we finally got Brandie out of school, we headed over to my aunt's house. My mom was on the phone the whole time, speaking in Spanish, so we wouldn't understand. All I could understand was "Pentagon", "major cities", "NASA". Now I understood why my mom got me, and why my whole family was going over to my aunts house. If we go, we go together.

Inhale

Exhale

Read my book where terrorist don't live.

At the house, no spoke. Which is weird for my family, normally we don't shut up, but now no one dared to make a breath. Everyone had their cell phones out, waiting for my Tia Cookie to call, please god let her call. It was my mom who got the call, it barely rang once before my mom jumped on top of it. It was Tia Cookie, she decided to call in today, thank the lord. My cousin did go to school, and all that she saw was smoke. Tons of it. It was like a wall she said.

Lucky nothing happened in Houston, thinking about it now, I doubt Houston is a major target, but the idea in a 8 year mind is scary and yet very comforting to have such a tight family. God I love my family.

After that, we had to sing the national anthem everyday, after the pledges. But on lighter news, things with Josh were going great. He was smart, like a genius, and plus he let me cheat. He was smart, but he liked to act dumb and mess around. He was great, he liked my house, which was weird because my house was crap back then. He would never let me go to his house.

Josh: "You wouldn't like it."

Josh was cool too, because his parents worked at a movie rental place, which was going out of business. So we got movies for free! I loved talking to Josh about nonsense. We would play a game where we make stupid faces, and the other would see how long it would last until he laughed. I would talk about how how my dad isn't living with us, how my parents were still married, and stuff, but we needed money and he had to move to work. And he would get sad, and he wouldn't like to talk about his personal life.

Any who, like I said, Josh was smart, like VERY VERY smart. During the middle of the year he had to take this two months test. I didn't understand it, it was just a bunch of pictures, and some were letters, and shapes, he had to make the pattern, which was stupid, there wasn't any.

The test proved how smart he was. Then all of the sudden, he was leaving class early, and having more test, and other weird things. I saw little and little of Josh, soon he would completely ignore me, and started to hang out with the super nerds. They worshiped his brain, they didn't give a crap about him. I felt bad for Josh, so one day I came up to him, and made a stupid face like the old days. He looked like he wanted to laugh, but then he got serious when he saw the super nerd faces.

Josh: "Umm Arron.

Me: "With two 'R's' remember?"

Some super nerd: "Hahahahaha what? You can't say 'R'?!?"

Me: "Well not yet, but I'm in speech, and hopefully soon.."

Another super ass: "Speech? Ahahaha retards go to speech! Are you a retard? You sound like one! Why don't you go play in the mud, retard!" *Pushes me into mud*

Me: I look at Josh. He looked sad, but then...

Josh: "Retard like mud? Say R stupid" Picks up mud, and throws it at me.

Me: "Screw you!"

Inhale

Exhale

Run.

Josh soon moves to some very hard smart school. On his last day he pulls me aside.

Josh: "I'm sorry Arron, but I had to make it in the smart group, my family needs me."

Me: "Yeah Josh whatever, your family has nothing to do with this."

Josh: "You have no idea Arron. I got a scholorship to go to this school, they are going to move my family to a nice house, a very nice house. They are giving us money to go to this school!"

Me: "Go f**k yourself."

I never saw Josh again.

But it was okay, I lost my only friend, again. But I have my family.

Inhale

Exhale

Love.

I love my family.

Thank you,

Arron.

Blast from the Past: Second Grade

After the whole Sam incident (yes it was true, and I changed names) I become very distanced. Sam was my only friend, and when she left, I was cut out from society. I soon found myself in my mind a lot. I stopped sleeping, eating, and taking. That's when I started reading a lot. My mom become very worried for me, so when second grade came around, she thought it would be a good idea to get me out there more. Enter P.I.P.S., I can't remember what it stands for, but the basic idea was that little kids would preform basketball tricks by a sound of a whistle. My brother, Matthew, was just starting school, so she signed both of us up.

Imagine hundreds of baskets balls flying all over the place, and imagine getting hit by almost all of them. Let's just say, I wasn't any good. I was the person on the sidelines passing people balls to spin throw, or dibble. It wasn't too bad, they would give us snacks, and let us watch Power Rangers! God I loved Power Rangers! It was fun though because we would go to preform at Rockets games, and at the high school. I can't remember if we were any good, but we practiced a lot. I was a regular guest of the nurse, because of the constant hits to the head. I swear sometimes I feel like people were aiming at me...

You remember how I said, "And I was never in another play again?". Well you see that was only half true, I was in a few more plays, one I directed, "Little Red Bears." In second grade, once a year they would put on a show, every second grade class had to write, star, and direct a play with little help for the teacher. I have no idea why we did this, we just did. Well my class was all excited about doing the play. They decided to do this play where they would take fairy tales and mush in all into one. I don't really remember that much about it, other than there were ducks, and they were trying to solve some kinda crime? It was stupid but we were seven and eight, so it was cute.

One of the rules was that everyone must have a part, and of course me being me, I was off reading when they gave out the parts. The only part left was director, yay... So began the long practices. Since I wouldn't care, I would read during practices, and the actors would do nothing.

So imagine, it's opening night, everyone's parents are there, all the other second grade classes, and the judges. Oh I forgot to say, all the second grade classes were fighting for first place. We were up, I had a clip board and a head set, both of which did nothing but make me look cool. And up goes the curtains. The opening set was of the ducks, but since we never practiced, no one knew what the hell was going.

So imagine, two ducks, standing there, staring at the audience, not moving, and even blinking. This lasts about ten minutes, then one the ducks starts to dance, for no reason. The other duck decides that dancing was a good idea, and joins in. Then the other cast members join in, soon the whole stage was full of dancing fairy tale characters. I didn't care that much, I was too busy reading. The dancing lasted a while, a good while. Eventually the principal had to shoo them off the stage. On the way back to class I kept my eye on my teacher to see if she would tell us how great we were, she just looked scared.

Good news: We didn't get last place!
Bad news: That was the last year of the second grade plays.

The last thing I remember from second grade was that my mom was forced into subing. I thought it was the coolest thing ever, my mom had different feelings about the matter. I can't remember what happened during that school day, but I do remember my mom crying after school. She still doesn't want to talk about the subject.

Thanks for reading :)

-Arron